Most of us have that “one person” who we trust implicitly; we tell them our deepest secrets, fears, dreams and troubles. We know “they won’t tell anyone.”

Think of who that person is for you. Picture them in your mind.

Now, think about this for a minute. You trust that person, but did you ever stop to think that she has that “one person,” too?

It goes something like this:

You think, “Oh, I can tell Sarah. She’s not going to tell anyone.”

Sarah thinks, “Wow! I know she told me not to tell anyone, but I trust Jennifer. I know she won’t tell anyone.” (Sarah tells Jennifer, in confidence of course.)

Jennifer thinks, “Oh, my goodness! I know Sarah told me not to say anything, but I trust Amy. She won’t tell anyone.” (Jennifer tells Amy… again, in confidence.)

You get the idea.

Your “one person” may not think of you as their “one person.” It spins out of control quickly and your secret is now the talk of the town. You can’t figure out why. Or maybe you can - Sarah told someone - and you are devastated, your relationship forever damaged.

I’ve seen it happen over and over again. It’s painful to see.

So, am I writing this so that you’ll never talk to anyone again? No. So that you’ll question all of your friends and relationships? Again, no.

Early on in my career, my mentor and boss John Love sat me down and explained that I would be privy to highly sensitive information from multi-billion dollar companies followed by the assurance that if he ever found out that any of this information was leaked and tracked back to me - well, let’s just say it wouldn’t be pleasant. I worked for a public relations firm in the Detroit area at the time.

I still remember John’s words, “Assume that everything you hear is confidential unless it is explicitly stated otherwise.” (John was a lawyer, too, if you couldn’t tell by his wording!)

That lesson has stuck with me ever since… in every relationship I maintain.

In the age of “authenticity” and “transparency,” I think there are times when people over share and are guilty of breaching trust, even if it is unintentional.

So, the reason I wrote this post was to give you food for thought, to provide a friendly reminder that part of building trust or to becoming what Chris Brogan and Julien Smith call a Trust Agent (affiliate link) is knowing when to shut your mouth and assume confidentiality.

You and your relationships will be much better off when you learn that trust is built as much by what you share as by what you choose not to.