If you’ve never heard of the organization To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA, for short), you should check them out. They do wonderful things to help people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.

The reason I mention TWLOHA is that the founders began a campaign this summer called Fears vs. Dreams in which they invited anyone/everyone to contribute to our story as a collective people. The concept is simple - answer two questions:

• What is your biggest dream?
• What is your biggest fear?

What struck me about this campaign was not the simplicity of it, but rather the realization that most of us (myself included) have never taken the time to answer these questions for ourselves - to come to an authentic place of knowing, acknowledging and accepting - and to transform those answers into actions that will move us further from fear and closer to our dream.

In order to get closer to the ‘life we’ve always imagined,’ we must first understand - with honesty and clarity - what that dream is and what we’re running from (whether we currently acknowledge it or not).

So, what is your biggest fear? What is your biggest dream? Even if you don’t want to share them here and now, will you commit to answering them for yourself and to putting the answers in writing? (You can download a simple worksheet here.)

Think of the most offensive word in the English language. Did you get it?

Here’s are some clues:

• It has 4 letters
• It starts with a “C”
• It ends with a “T”

Yep. You guessed it.

The most offensive word in the English language is… CAN’T!

That’s right. Can’t.

You see, the word “can’t” is an excuse. A cover-up for fear. A veil for self-imposed restriction or limitation.

Think about it: Have you ever been in a meeting where someone asks the question, “Why can’t we…” only to be followed by the 10,000 reasons everyone else in the room comes up with for why it “can’t” be done? Of course you have.

The very use of the word “can’t” triggers our brains to come up with an excuse, a limitation, an out.

Simply changing the words we use when we speak can have an incredible impact on how we live our lives, on the success and happiness we reap.

Let’s go back to our meeting from the example above. What happens if we flip “Why can’t we…” on its head? Instead, imagine the same meeting, but this time someone asks, “How CAN we…”

There is an immediate shift in the energy in the room and the thought patterns of everyone in it.

The room is now filled with people focused on creating solutions, dreaming up possibilities rather than restrictions, obstacles and excuses.

In a previous post, I referenced a maxim that my 7th grade history teacher passed on to me.

It’s as profound as it is simple: CAN’T means WON’T.

Think about that statement for a moment, and think about how many times a day you say, “I can’t.” Now, think about how many times you’re really trying to say, “I won’t.”

Everything is a choice. The word “can’t” simply represents your choice not to try, not to do. It’s a choice to put up walls, to limit yourself, to maintain the status quo (even if you loathe your current situation).

In what areas of your life or business do you find yourself continually saying “I can’t” and choosing defeat over growth and achievement? What can you do to eliminate “the most offensive word in the English language” from your vocabulary?

Hat tip to Jason Moffatt for inspiring the introduction to this post.

I was enjoying lunch with a long-time friend yesterday, and through the course of our conversation, we began talking about the importance of “charging what you’re worth” and knowing when to cut the cord in (business) relationships for one simple reason: just because a client pays you, doesn’t make them a good client.

Hazel, aside from being the Queen of Networking, also has a hand full of clients for whom she serves as an executive coach. She explained that she limits her coaching engagements to twelve months because, as she says, “After twelve months, you should have things figured out to the point where you don’t need me anymore, or you will have shown you’re not willing to do the work required to make it successful.”

So, twelve months is the most you’ll get.

I then relayed a story about my daughter’s softball team. You see, there was one little girl on the team whose father wanted to make sure she knew exactly what to do at every given moment. He would stand next to her when she was in the field to make sure he could relay the information she needed to make the right play. He stood fence-side while she was at bat to make sure she made the proper adjustments. But none of it helped.

It paralyzed her.

From Day One, the girls were taught to “field the ball and throw it to first base.” That was the default. Of course, they learned about force outs, tagging the runner, making the play at the closest base, but even if all that failed to register, they knew, “Throw it to first!”

With her dad by her side, the ball would come to her and rather than stepping to throw, she dropped her arms, cranked her head to the side and looked at him with a “what do I do now?” look on her face. The runner was safe… every time.

You see, at some point, you have to cut the cord. It’s that whole “teach a man to fish” thing.

Her dad was trying to help, but this little girl didn’t learn anything. She became 100% dependent on her dad. She forgot to think for herself. She forgot to take risks. She forgot to learn. She forgot to have fun. She forgot to get dirty.

It’s like Hazel’s twelve month rule. At some point, you have to do it by yourself, for yourself. If you always rely on someone else to make decisions or pat you on the back, you will never grow. Go out there and get a little dirty!

So, who is it that you are relying on too heavily? Why? Are you truly looking for help, or using them as a crutch because of some kind of fear? In what areas of your life or business do you need to cut the cord and prove to yourself, “I can do this!”? What are you waiting for?